all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
