She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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