I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
