Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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