a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
