Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
