My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's blow job season.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
