I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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