apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
