it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
