he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
