just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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