And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
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