had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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