U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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