Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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