As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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