after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
