You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
