it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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