You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
