Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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