i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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