I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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