I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
