Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i now understand why vodka
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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