you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
