Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
