Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
