Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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