you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
