Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
