So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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