He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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