Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
