A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
