So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
