just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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