i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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