She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
