he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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