the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
zippers are such a cool invention
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Holy shit dude........stairs
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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