My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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