so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
