There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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