i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
