If i come over, it means nothing
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
