i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
