OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
