apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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