Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
