Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
