OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
