youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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