dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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