Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
