The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
