I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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