whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
