dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
