You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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