Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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