i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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