it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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