he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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