i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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